


The Thing

by Go_Fic_Yourself



Series: Clint Centric ALL CAPS THOR VERSE [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, No one listens to Clint., The Avengers are made of sass and daddy issues, Tony Stark can't leave well enough alone, team fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-12 11:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2108784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go_Fic_Yourself/pseuds/Go_Fic_Yourself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony wants to know what "the thing" between Clint and Phil is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Damnit, Tony, Phil and I do not have ‘a thing’."

“You have a thing, Birdman, and that thing is awkward. You’re like two independently wealthy awkward magnates that have decided to awkwardly merge and now their awkward monopoly is causing smaller awkward businesses to close down. That is how awkward a thing it is.”

Clint bristled. “There is no thing.”

“I tell you, there’s a thing. I’ve seen many a thing in my day, Katniss, I know a thing when I see one, and you and Agent have a thing.”

“Drop it, Stark.”

“But there’s a THING! Not the big orange rocky kind, but a thing none the less!” He gestured wildly while he spoke. “Someone back me up! Fellow man of science!” He pointed at Bruce, who shrugged raised his hands in the universal “I’m unarmed” motion before going back to the knitting project he had sprawled over his, Natasha and Darcy’s laps.

Darcy looked around just to confirm that he boss wasn’t lurking in some shadow of the room (he wasn’t, Phil Coulson doesn’t lurk, and the Avenger’s tower was remarkably well lit). “I have to side with Tony here, there’s definite thing-age there.”

Steve scrunched his nose at the word “thing-age”, unable to put a finger on why it sounded so disgusting, but nodded his agreement all the same.

“There is no thing!”

“Maybe there used to be a thing?” Tony suggested.

“There is, was an never shall be a thing!” Clint growled.

Which is when Thor decided to walk in, all blonde hair and cape and stupid (at least to Clint right now).

“WHAT IS IT WE ARE DISCUSSING THAT HAS FRIEND HAWKEYE SO ANGERED?”

“The thing between him and Coulson.”

“AH, YES, IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TROUBLED, FRIEND BARTON?”

Clint just sputtered. “There is no relationship! No thing! No nothing!”

“I SEE, I AM SORRY IF MY MISTAKE CAUSED YOU PAIN. TO LOVE ANOTHER AND BE DENIED THEIR AFFECTIONS IS TRIAL ENOUGH FOR ANY MAN. IF MY WORD BE WORTH ANYTHING HERE, FRIEND, I BELIEVE YOU ARE QUITE WORTHY OF THE SON OF COUL.”

Clint let his head fall to the table with a thud. “I hate all of you.” He muttered against the polished wood.


	2. Chapter 2

Natasha finally interrupted the ongoing talk about what Tony had taken to calling "Shrodinger's Romance." 

"Drop it Tony. We need to respect it when Clint says there's nothing going on between him and Phil." 

Tony looked disappointed, though not ashamed in the least.

Clint grinned at his teammate. "Thanks, Nat."

"You're welcome. You're obviously in denial and need time to come to terms with this on your own." She smirked.

"Oh come right the fuck on, you too?" 

Tony practically crowed in victory, though his attempts at both high fives and fist bumps with Natasha were met with cold stares. 

"IT IS HARD TO ARGUE WITH WHAT OUR EYES SEE DAILY, FRIEND CLINT. MAYHAP YOU ARE TOO CLOSE TO THE SITUATION TO SEE CLEARLY." 

"I didn't just use a random code name generator or something. I'm actually called Hawkeye for a reason! I see EVERYTHING.   
If there were a thing to see, I would have noticed."

"You have said you see better from a distance." Steve pointed out.

"In battles! Because I can see more! Take it all in." 

"IS LOVE NOT THE GREATEST BATTLE OF ALL?" Thor supplied unhelpfully.

"You people are the worst friends ever!" 

Bruce snorted a little as he switched to another color in his endless knitting project. 

"You be quiet, Dr. Jekyll! I don't need your sass added to this." 

Bruce just continued to chuckle and started on the newest color block. 

"What if Clint wanted there to be a thing and tried but Coulson turned him down?" Darcy gasped.

Everyone leveled pitying gazes on Clint.

"Oh hell no! You all need to stop. There is no tragic history, there is no thing!" 

Phil chose that moment to enter the room. "What are you shouting about now, Barton?"


	3. Chapter 3

Clint whirled around, face lighting up at the sight of Phil (out of relief, obviously. Nothing else. Seriously. Just relief.) and pointedly ignored the nudge/raised eyebrow combo Darcy was giving Natasha and Bruce.

"They're being jackasses!" Clint accused.

Phil raised an eyebrow. "Am I meant to be surprised?"

Clint seemed to actually consider it. "Well no, but the thing they're being jackasses about is the nonexistent thing between you and me."

"What sort of thing do we not have?" Phil asked, the picture of bland disinterest.

"Your epic romance or hetero-platonic soul mate thing you've got going on. The love that is stubbornly refusing to speak its name." Tony supplied, gaining energy and volume as he went on.

"Ah. That Thing." Phil nodded, sitting down in an arm chair and opening one of the files he'd been carrying.

Tony grabbed Steve's arm, raised it and high fived his befuddled palm.

"Seriously, Tony?" Steve asked.

"What? I was in need of a high five, I found a way to meet my needs. That's a sign of maturity, right?"

Natasha rolled her eyes at him. What passed for maturity in Avengers Tower was very sad indeed.

Clint's mouth had opened and closed several times while this was happening, but no sound came out. Finally he managed. "What? That's it? Tell them they're wrong, Coulson!"

"Why bother arguing against something they've already decided is true? Besides, for once, they're not wrong." Phil shrugged and went back to his file.

Tony punched the air while Darcy and Natasha shared a less showy, though equally smug knowing smile.

"What? I mean-what?" Clint stumbled. "No, really, what?!"

Phil looked up from his file and leveled him with a look that said Clint was being deliberately obtuse. He looked at the rest of the team, "Not for lack of trying on my part, I assure you." He went back to his file.

Clint made a sound with way too many vowels and not nearly enough consonants to be a word.

Phil looked up and his eyes widened and the look of confusion on Clint's face. "Wait... You didn't know?"

The comforting click of knitting needles stopped as Bruce looked up. Darcy made a small high pitched sound beside him.

Clint's mouth and brain cobbled together a close approximation of the word, "no?"

"Snow White and the emotionally stunted dwarfs here picked up on it." Phil indicated the team, who were an even split between offended and grudgingly acquiescent to the title. "And the man who calls himself Hawkeye doesn't pick up on it after ten years?"

"I see better from a distance!"

Cap made a series of hand motions that conveyed, "Did I not just say that?" to everyone else.

Phil set down his file and leaned back in his chair. "So now that you know?"

Clint gaped. He closed his mouth and opened it again. No sound came out. Closed. Open. He shot panicked glances at his teammates.

Steve Rogers, patron saint of awkward romances broke Clint's silence. "Guys, uh... Let's go... Do something so Clint and Phil can talk."

"A WONDERFUL IDEA FRIEND STEVEN. THE FLOWER OF LOVE BLOOMS BEST WHEN UNWATCHED!" Thor added, making Clint's cheeks burn with the force of his blush.

Darcy was sitting, rapt, practically vibrating with the effort to stay quiet. Bruce was biting his lip to keep from laughing, though if at the situation or Darcy was unclear.

Natasha stood and pulled Darcy to her feet, guiding her away as Bruce piled his knitting things back into the green bag Darcy had made him for Christmas that said "HULK'S STASH!" in bold letters.

Tony sat on the couch with his arms crossed, looking for all the world like an immovable object. That is, until Thor strode over and hefted him onto his shoulder.

"Thor!? Thor! Put me down! You can't make me leave my own living room!"

"MY APOLOGIES, FRIEND TONY, BUT THE SON OF COUL AND OUR HAWKEYED ARCHER HAVE WORDS FOR EACH OTHER THAT WE NEED NOT HEAR."

"Not true! I need to hear! I need to hear badly! I was the one who pointed out the Thing!" He continued, flailing against Thor as he was removed from the room. "You two! Don't forget the no fucking in common areas rule!" He added as the door closed behind them.

Clint covered his face (which was by now very red) with his hands. He heard the sounds of Phil getting out of his chair and approaching him but didn't look up. His best guess was that Phil was now sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

"Clint?"

Maybe if he kept his head in his hands and refused to look up he could out wait Phil. Maybe he could do this until he died of thirst and embarrassment and Phil would go away and he could rot in peace all over Tony's floor (which would serve him right for starting this).

"Clint?"

He could practically feel the weight of Phil's concern.

"Clint?"

"Stooop." He whined, peaking out from behind his fingers. Phil was sitting on the coffee table.

"Damnit, Clint. You're a grown-ass man, act like it."

Clint dropped his hands and leaned back in his seat, trying to put some distance between himself and Coulson. "Thanks, but I think I'll act my shoe size if that's alright with you."

Phil arched an eyebrow. "Well, you know what they say about men with small feet."

Clint rolled his eyes. "Alluded to dick jokes. Yeah, because this conversation wasn't already awkward enough."

Phil shrugged. "We were already going with the worst possible way to address this, so I figured I couldn't make it any worse."

"Go big or go home." Clint replied, trying to sound sagely.

Phil leaned in and kissed him, a firm press of lips and the tiniest flick of tongue against his lower lip, then he was pulling way before Clint had a chance to respond.

Phil smiled, raising his eyebrows innocently at Clint's stunned expression. "That wasn't a suggestion?"

Clint's mouth moved involuntarily but made no sound.

"Is that a no then?" Phil asked, still leaning close to Clint from his perch on the coffee table, before dropping his voice low, "or was that not big enough?"

A sound like a whimper (but it wasn't a whimper. Really. Clint Barton does not whimper.) clawed its way out of Clint's throat, followed by a short intake of breath from embarrassment before Clint covered his blushing face again.

Phil couldn't help feeling a little proud of that. Where Loki and Hydra had failed, he had broken Clint Barton. "Clint. If you're not interested please just tell me. If you are, please look up, because I'd like to kiss you again."

Very slowly Clint dropped his hands and leaned forward to meet Phil in a much more reciprocal kiss. It started slow, short touches of tongues teasing along lips, darting in only to pull back shyly then Clint fisted his hands in Phil's shirt and deepened the kiss, as though determined to know Phil as thoroughly as possible, just incase it turned out to be his only chance.

Before long Phil was off the table and straddling Clint's thighs in the chair, hands brushing through sand brown hair and lips still moving against Clint's.

Then came the sound of shattering glass, startled pigeons and repulsors.

"Ha! I told you there was a thing!" Tony's voice was projected tinny from the Iron man suit as he looked down at Steve, who was scrabbling for purchase on the shiny metal of Tony's foot.

"Tony, you can't just do this! It's rude!"

Somehow even with the face plate down Tony managed to convey the fact that he was rolling his eyes. "Come on, Captain Canada. I just wanted to know."

Phil and Clint had sprung out of the chair at the first sign of trouble and had landed, ready for a fight beside it. Phil's left hand was still gripped tightly around Clint's right and now that they knew it was safe,  
Clint couldn't stop staring at their twined fingers.

Steve swing himself through the broken window and into the room. "I am so sorry. We tried to stop him but he jumped off the roof."

Phil waved a hand at Tony in irritation. "Stark, take off the suit so I can taze you."

"So you can watch super nanny while I drool on the floor?" He asked.

"You really think super nanny is high on my list of priorities right now?" He looked at Clint and their clasped hands.

"Ah. Maybe not." Tony looked about as sheepish as a suit of armor can manage, which wasn't very. "I'm ah...I'm gonna go down to my workshop now... Come on guys, let's give them some privacy, ok?"

Steve and Thor rolled their eyes at Tony's sudden change of heart (probably in response to the "I am going to shoot your dick off from a quarter mile away" look that Clint was giving him).

"Seriously, leaving now!" Tony assured them, doing his weird wobbly penguin hover out of the room, Steve and Thor following.

"I really hate that guy." Clint grumbled when the door closed behind them.

"No you don't." Phil chided.

"I really hate how much I don't hate that guy."

Phil shrugged. "Marginally better."

"So..." Clint rocked back on his heels, stubbornly ignoring his hand, still held in Phil's (and more importantly, how good that felt). "Want to go get dinner and finish this conversation at your place?"

Phil heaved a sigh of relief. "God yes. Lets get out of here before the baby Gundam comes back." 

Clint let himself be led out of the common room. He didn't know where this came from, or where it was going, but he was more than willing to follow Phil to find out.


End file.
